Someone else

Spent last night crying and wishing I was someone else, who that someone else is I don;'t mind, I would like to be thinner and far more confident, but would settle for just someone with just a little self esteem.

Despite the panic attacks and a lack of sleep I managed to wake up with the alarm and got up. Then managed to get to Camera Club, despite being the first there and wondering for some time if anyone else was going to turn up. Eventually there were 4 of us 2 from the old group and 2 of us from the new group, so at least I knew someone.

Then the subject for today's session was announced and my heart sank, it was portraits. So we were split into groups and went outside to take portraits. One panic attack later I had managed to get some shots taken. Then it was back indoors to look at what we had all taken, and for once I actually agreed that one of the shots taken of me was ok, providing that I didn't have to look at it for too long.

Going to Camera cub today meant getting early for the third day in a row, plus two walks on my own. As I had been up early the last two mornings and had a bad night last night I was pleased that I made it to camera club, plus I didn't ask my Dad to walk me even part of the way.

Busy week continues tomorrow with a driving lesson in the morning and a soft furnishing class in the afternoon, which will involve another two walks on my own.