Empty

The week is nearly over and I should be proud of what I have achieved this week but I feel empty.

I'm trying to think that feeling empty is better than feeling depressed but I know when I feel like this the slightest thing can knock me in free fall. I'm trying not to dwell or to just expect the depression, but I can feel it there slowly creeping up on me. It feels a bit like the game I played as a kid where one person tried to catch all the others moving when their back is turned, so they turn round quickly and we had to stop moving. I catch a glimpse of the depression and can feel it moving closer. I try moving away by doing all the things various therapists etc. have told me to try but its still creeping up on me.

I managed to have a driving lesson this morning and survived the various idiots on the road, this afternoon I walked to and from my sewing class on my own. But still I feel the tears welling up.

There are so many thoughts going round in my head that I never seem to be at peace. Some of these thoughts I write in this blog, some I tell a friend but some remain where they are. The ones that remain are my true deep fears that go to my core, and have become a part of me, fears that I am even afraid to think about let alone give a voice to.