Sliding down the snake

Really gone backwards in the last 24 hours. I didn't want to write this blog today as I am finding it hard to think about my thoughts. All started going backwards when I received an email from my ex fiancée, this has resulted in dragging up memories that I thought I had dealt with but obviously haven't.

I suppose I should deal with the memories and emotions that have been brought to the surface but I am unable to do so, I don't have the toolkit to deal with them, resulting in me not knowing how to deal with them. Rather funny that this should arise now, I had a letter a couple of days ago asking me to make an appointment for a psychological review of my treatment. I have now been waiting for over 2 years for the psychological counselling that my psychiatrist says I need in order to be able to recover fully, the counselling would equip me with the toolkit I need to deal with the memories and emotions that I have had to deal with in the last 24 hours.

So I am currently having to struggling with feelings that I should be able to deal with but for some reason I am not, with the result that the depression rears its head and adds to my confusion. I have spent today fighting the very strong urge to hide from the world, hiding I know doesn't make the problem/issue go away but can sometimes make me feel like it does.