I recently started doing meccano as a way of focusing my mind on something else in order to help with my depression and panic/anxiety attacks. On the whole this has worked, but not tonight. I was coming to the end of building my remote control car when the instructions on several occasions wanted me to do things that would have involved either me to have surgery or for me to get my 2 year old niece to try and fit the part. When this happened for the fourth time I really lost all sense of proportion and stormed off, I have been trying to learn to keep my temper but there comes a point when I just get so frustrated that the only outlet I have is to lose it. I then started to think it was me, that I was stupid, telling myself that this model was suitable for a child aged 8 upwards I should be able to do it so the fact that I can't means I am stupid and worse that a child of 8. This thought process is common when my depression is about to and has taken hold, because it is an argument that is not supported by any evidence.
My Dad then did the sensible thing, he looked at the plans and tried to build the part himself, he grew up building meccano models, in the end he had to admit defeat. Eventually though various swear words and resorting to our small pile of existing meccano we found bolts and nuts to fit. So I managed to finish, and promptly had a panic attack. This hasn't stopped me from wanted to build something else because at the beginning the building process really did help to occupy my mind, which very little does to the same extent. So the next model is a small helicopter, but soon I plan to build a small scale model of a trebuchet once I can get dad to stop thinking about possible damage I could cause once I have built it.
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