Well despite the months of practising I failed my driving test. I was so nervous and shaking, that despite doing my test this morning, I am still shaking. I will be honest and say that as my instructor drove me home I serious thought why am I bothering, what is the point all I am achieving is wasting money. This feeling is still strong but I have told my instructor that once I get back from my holiday I will be trying again.
The problem was that I was aware of the tester making marks so about half way round one of the difficult test routes I convinced myself that I had failed, with the result instead of saying to myself sod it I just kept making mistake after mistake, I have never stalled as often in any of my lessons.
So tonight the fight in my head goes on, probably not helped by having to spend and hour with my psychiatrist as he made sure he had my case history for the case study of me he is going to present to 3rd year medical students. I always find talking about my symptoms difficult as I am so scared that I am going to give a wrong answer, illogical I know but knowing that it is illogical doesn't stop the thoughts.
To ensure that I don't let depression set in this evening I made sure that I had activity scheduling set up for the next three days so that I keep busy and don't give the bad and illogical thoughts any space.
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