Sabotage part two

Its really hard trying to maintain a balanced view. I know what I should do, I should keep going out, I should keep doing what my therapist recommends, but after Friday I have to question if its too late, whether this is it. I had what should be considered a good day on Friday I went out to Hafal and spent the afternoon out doing photography. But these last two days the depression has hit me so so hard. Hard enough that I have had to contact the Samaritans again. Its so hard and overwhelms my logical brain, that when I do what I need to do it makes me worse. Just trying hard to quieten my mind.