Bribery

Despite taking two sleeping tablets last nights, two hours after taking them I was still wide awake and feeling worse by the minute. I did manage to get up and do something to try and take my mind off my thoughts but could only cope physically with doing it for an hour.

That is one of my problems, when my depression is this bad I have no energy, strength and start to shake. There are also problems with my concentration as well as the fact that things that previously I love no longer interest me, the phrase going through the motions sums me up.

Before I settled down to try to get some sleep my thoughts were all about self destruction so I made myself a bribe that if I got through the night without hurting myself I could buy a comic book, This might not seem such an incentive but recently I have been trying to cut down on the number I buy. I did manage to make it through the night the only problem then was the book I wanted is out of print. I have to be careful not to see coincidences like this as being a case of the world being against me.