Day two...five to go before I get my book

I am trying a new regime to try and finally beat the depression and social phobia. This involves me getting up at a reasonable time, going out once a day, doing relaxation/meditation once a day. So far I'm on day two and it has been a real struggle. I woke up this morning at 2.50am, and as I showed no sign of going back to sleep after half an hour, instead of staying in bed as I previously would have, I got up. I have done my relaxation and have been out, the aim ultimately is to do 45 minutes exercise a day but not there yet.

The main problem is when I'm tired is that my depression surfaces, so as well as trying to keep to my regime and to stay awake till this evening,  I have been fighting the depression. The other issue is that now I am up longer and so have longer to get depressed. With the depression comes all the insecurities and self hatred at full blast, these hurt so much that it can be tempting to say sod it and go back to hiding in bed. But if I am to have any hope of leading a normal life I have to stop hiding no matter how painful it will be. Just really scared that I am not strong enough to fight any longer.

Recently I have asked my friends for help, well now I really need it. If any of my friends read this please give me some encouragement and reasons to continue fighting.


For anyone in Swansea before the 15th March, there is a great photo exhibition on in the Grand Theatre, where several of my photos are putting in an appearance.