Not easy reading a bedtime story with tears in my eyes

Today has been up and down. I found myself genuinely laughing earlier tonight with my niece and one of my nephews and it took me by surprise. This might seem strange to some people reading this,  but it is a very long time since I even felt like that, that in some way I was beginning to think I'd forgotten how.

But my cantankerous, bloody affected mind wouldn't let me enjoy the feeling for even one hour. Is that asking too much just one hour of feeling normal and happy, in the first time in so so long. It came to an abrupt end as I read my nephew a bedtime story, now I know my nephew has strange taste in bedtime reading, last night I had to read from a dinosaur encyclopaedia, but tonights story had nothing to do with the struggle I was having in fighting back the tears, as I doubt anyone would ever be able to find anything to cry about in Trevor Tractor gets a bee in his bonnet,  when I say I was fighting back the tears, at one point I nearly left the room as I thought I was about to cry.

If I had a pound for every time ether I have read a report or someone said to me that exercise would improve my depression, or that I need to keep busy I would be rich, but unfortunately but life isn't that simple or else it hasn't read the reports, for the last few days I've been busy and active, but it has also involved me way out of my comfort zone, for example today I went for coffee with my sis-in-law and two of her friends. So I was in a strange place with strange people, does anyone here sense the anxiety.

I'm tired and want to run away, but I can't and I wont let myself, but when I should be happy I feel like I've really had enough.