Here we go again

I have just got over a bout of depression but seem to be heading for another bout already. This is probably due to a number of reasons, getting over a bad migraine that has meant I haven't been able to do anything including reading for several days, the realisation that I won't achieve my dreams, extreme feelings of loneliness.

Its little things that keep adding up with a result head downwards. Due to allergies and food intolerance there are very few take always I can have, as a treat there is a sandwich place nearby that does gorgeous sandwiches, so had my favourite today and for the first time it triggered my IBS, this might not sound major but getting stomach cramps after something you think of as a treat just adds to the pile.

There is a saying that committing suicide is not allowing things to get better, but what do you do if you truly believe that things won't get better. People have said to me about getting my anti depressants changed, I wish it was as easy as that, unfortunately I am on my 5th different anti depressant and have been told by my psychiatrist that if these don't work then there is nothing else to try, even if there was something else to try its not like going from one painkiller to another, it would involve coming off my existing medication over a couple of weeks and then gradually going on to the new medication all of which takes at least a month.

Another issue at the moment is taking things too personally, people might say something on the radio about people who are obese, single or on benefits and I assume they are taking directly about me, I know this isn't logical they don't know me but this doesn't stop the active illogical part of my brain latching on to it.

I know I live with my dad but currently I am overwhelmed, no other word for it, with a feeling of loneliness and isolation, I don't know how to break this. I just want a so called normal life where I can go out with friends instead of hiding away. I know I can't goon like this as it is killing me but I have no idea at all of how to change things.