A step too far??

In order for me to be able to face the oncoming day I have to plan it out. I know where I have to go and how I'm getting there. This has become known as my railway tracks. The planning for today was dad walking with me into town where I would catch a bus for Create Solutions, I would walk from the bus stop on a route I've done plenty of times before. Then my boss would take me to Photo Tales. This afternoon would be spent going round galleries, most of which i had been too before. Then a short walk home which I had done before.As far as I was concerned it was a day which I could cope with.

Unfortunately it wasn't to be. My boss wasn't able to take me to Photo Tales, so I had to catch a bus and arrange with my Dad to walk me part of the way to Photo Tales. This might seem a big deal to the majority of people but when the world itself scares you anything that takes you out of your comfort zone, off the railway tracks takes a lot of inner something to cope with.

I then had time to get myself together before the first gallery - The National Waterfront Museum, this should be ok I thought as I've been there before and providing there isn't a school group tearing around I should be ok. But then came the second knock to my railway tracks, the foyer where one the exhibits that we planned to see was filled with stands, making the area very busy and noisy, two situations guaranteed to stress me.

But I have survived, even if I did breakdown in tears because of two photos I saw in one gallery, which my old friends will not believe, as I was always the one in the group who never cried. So I'm finally home having walked the final bit on my own, I am physically and mentally exhausted. Things that I once could do without a thought now scare me and I get annoyed with myself for letting normal everyday situations get to me.

It is difficult to explain to people who have never experienced the almost fear like state that noise and crowds can generate in me, then you get the vicious circle that the fear released adrenaline which heightens the senses and thereby makes the noises appear louder.