Hopes and Dreams

I must have been one of the few people today praying for a cloudy day, the reason for this is a migraine. This has meant me staying in my darkened room. The problem I have is that due to the medication I am already on there is nothing the doctor can give me for my migraines, another problem is the fact that my main trigger is tension, which goes hand in hand with the depression and anxiety.

For those of you who have never had a migraine, count yourself lucky. Imagine the worse headache you can, one that every time you move gets worse, combine this with hayfever and you can see it hasn't been a good day.

Another problem that has to be overcome is I've been ill since 1999, its been a large part of my life, I really want to be well but its scary. Life still feels so overwhelming, just thinking about the future, thinking about all the things that I am supposed to do and have to be so called normal makes me close to tears. I know somebody will be thinking 'well don't think about them', but that is so much easier said than done. I don't know why these thoughts scare me, even writing this now I am crying, perhaps because I am convinced that I will never have them, never have a normal life.I am not asking for much, I don't want to be famous, to earn millions, I just want a job, somewhere of my own to life, maybe a relationship, and to be able to travel like I did before my first breakdown.