Last night was a bad night, despite taking my sleeping tablets, as I kept going over and over the day in my head. This is a common thing with me and one of the causes of my insomnia, as all too often I try and fight being quiet so that either my thoughts can't have a go at me, or I keep busy so I don't keep replaying the day over in my head. The main problem with this replaying of the day is I start analysing it, saying to my self should I have said that should I have done that, what did that person think of me, what did they mean when they said that. I know this over analysing and not being able to let go of things over which I have no control is not good for me, but it is something which I have not been able to find a way to stop. If I try and focus on something else or do something it disturbs me trying to sleep. So I am in a no win situation, but that doesn't mean that I will give up. It is just another thing I am going to have to real with.
The important step now though is to find a balance so that I am not trying to make too many changes at once, I really don't want to give my brain another chance like it did over Christmas to say its too much and trigger another bad bout of depression. I have to stop setting myself actual date targets for my recovery and in steed set end goal targets. Though this in itself for me is easier said than done.
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