One of my current wishes for my recovery is for me to stop worrying about what other people think of me and my decisions. I know that I don't live in a bubble, so my decisions can impact upon others, those aren't the things I'm talking about.
I am well aware of things that I am not doing, that I know others would not hesitate to do, because I have become paralysed by the thought of what others will think. I know that if my friends are true friends then it shouldn't matter, but I am so scared, it is a true fear, that I have become paralysed to do nothing. This is also linked with my fear of making a mistake. This fear hit hard in my photography class last week when my experiments in pinhole photography and photographic paper didn't appear to be working, despite encouragement from my lecturer I came so close to giving up.
I know I am going to struggle with changing this thought process of wanting to please, and fear of the perception of doing something wrong. But I also know that I have to do this in order to have the opportunity to move on.
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