I am fascinated that my brain can be both logical and illogical at the same time. Because the depression has been bad the overwhelming feeling of cutting my arms has returned, no matter what I am doing the idea remains of cutting my wrists, whether to end it all or to release the depression I'm not sure. At the same time I'm fascinated where these thoughts come from and how they relate to the depression, what ate the processes that are occurring to cause these thoughts as they haven't been present all the time I've had depression.
I am having also to learn to manage expectations. There are several things I want out of life and its important to learn to accept that some I my never have whilst others will take time. I have a fixation that the media fuels that its too late, that I'm too old. People/friends tell me I'm not but my minds thinks that they are just being nice. I will probably now never own my own home, but why in the UK do we place such a stigma on renting. My dream job of working overseas will probably not happen, but I can still get a good job. And for someone so logical and practical I am a romantic, the idea of surprises, and time together can still happen. With learning to manage expectations and learning patience will hopefully come some peace of mind.
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