Worrying times

Not been to good recently, but still managed to earn three stars this week. I ad therapy, last but one session, again hard but helpful. My therapist is pleased with my progress so far. It is interesting as I felt I hadn't made much progress, but she was really pleased with what I had achieved. The simple fact that I spontaneously going into the garden is a huge step forward.

She was a bit concerned with my obsessional thought of cutting my wrists, which is now occurring whenever I am depressed and not just when I am at a extremely low point. The reason she is concerned is when you are at an extremely low point you don't have the energy to do anything about it. But she gave me a few techniques to try and fight the thought, including telling the poison parrot, that sits on my shoulder knocking the positive thoughts, to shut up. Its hard sometimes when I try to look to the future and this poison parrot knocks it, for example I have a wish to go to San Diego Comic con, but the moment I do the parrot starts telling me I will never be able to afford it, I wont get tickets, I'll feel stupid being there on my own, billy no mates, and on and on and on.

All I can do for the time being is to keep trying and thinking one hour at a time at the moment.