Fighting....but why???

I have had a bug for 10 days now so haven't been able to do too much, though I have managed 2 driving lessons. This mornings lesson almost got cancelled because I was feeling so shaky, but I managed to complete the lesson without an accident despite the best efforts of a white van driver to cause one.

I managed also to achieve a small achievement as I went to the local Chinese supermarket on my own today, without my mp3 player. This might not seem a big thing to most people but it is for me, as its not somewhere I usually go so to go on my own means overcoming a hurdle.

I am trying to fight the depression and social phobia, but it isn't easy especially as I feel that I have no reasons to fight it, I am fighting it because apparently it is what I am supposed to do, but doing what I am supposed to do can only take me so far, if I don't find a reason to fight it will become harder to do so, I can only keep going through the motions for so long. Sod the idea of three wishes and asking for end to poverty etc. I want one wish that is to know why I am fighting, what I am fighting all this for.